it's a tough question tho..
hurm.. how shud i ans this.. i want.. (really mean it.. i WANT)
esp at this time being.. this moment.. i really wanna have someone standing beside me.. take care of me.. supporting me.. someone who can guide me to Allah (sumhow i find it difficult to get sumone like this nowadays).. im ready to commit..
BUT
i dun wanna get married because am getting older.. it's not just about the wedding, the photoshoot, people gossiping(which is the most thing people concern bout) it's life after the wedding.. eventho am ready to commit..am not sure am prepared enuf (i mean 'ilmu') to be sumone wife, sumone mother, sumone daughter in law..
isteri solehah... i want to be like Khadijah r.a.. to be there for her husband... comforting him.. supporting him..be a gud mother... gud example to her children..
but i think with all my sin in the past.. i dun think am deserve to be with a guy that i've always dream of.. am still not gud enuf to have sumone like that.. i dun want a guy who is not strict to himself in following the way of islam (u knw wut i mean.. guy nowdays didn't act care bout their prayer, make fun of girl, not fasting~happily tell everyone, dun care bout halal haram nemore, the saddest thing.. girl act know more bout islam than a guy..) not just that.. i hate guys who cannot stand for himself.. i dun care if u are mama's boy (i love it.. coz they are more 'penyayang') but u need to know where u stand.. not every single thing u need to ask or tell everyone.. how can u lead me when u dunno how to decide for ur sake?
ok.. maybe i am over exaggerate.. but i think 70% are like that.. then how can i expect guy like this to be my leader.. leader of my children? i always dreamt of having family that really implement islam in every angle of life.. i have wasted my life for 25 years.. i admit i go astray.. eventho u see me in hijab.. i admit im not really follow or understand the real islam.. semua asal boleh je.. enuf is enuf.. i dun blame my parents.. we are not from 'alim' family.. but that is past.. am glad now we're together learning bout islam..
i just dun find the right person to be with.. i need to have full respectation on him... dun make urself looks stupid in front of me.. coz i hate 'lelaki gatal'.. ok.. am demanding.. but that's 2 traits must NOT have in you.. i dun care bout ur money.. ur face.. as long as u HAVE this traits.. ALIM and INDEPENDENT.. (when i mean alim u dun need to be ustaz).
hurm.. suddenly i think this post is a bit 'poyo'.. but really.. dun ask me again and again what kind a guy i want.. am getting fed up.. im praying for this kind of guy.. coz this is the most important traits i think a husband shud have.. ive found actually.. but maybe he think am not the right person.. i know am still not gud enuf.. so honestly.. i still keep searching for that special someone that can really guide me...
To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and earth. He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills females and He gives to whom He wills males. Or He couples them as males and females. And He renders whom He wills childless. Indeed, He is Knowing and Capable. [42:49-50]
aku mohon ya Allah kurniakanlah aku pasangan yang hatinya sentiasa padaMu.. yang tidak lalai dengan buaian dunia.. kurniakanlah aku keturunan yg soleh dan solehah ya Allah.. sesumgguhnya diriku adalah milikmu ya Allah, maka aku redha pada setiap ketetapanMu, kerana aku tahu Kau adalah sebaik-baik Perencana.
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